The Faux-Hawk’s Time is Over
by Conrad; Sunday, April 4 2004

Okay, so there are two hairstyles for the hip boys now a day.  The “mop-top” and the “faux-hawk”. 


Okay, so we’ve seen the mop-top before in the mid-era Beatles days.  Guys just letting their hair cover their ears, but not let it grow to either turn into a hippie, redneck or metal dude. 


The other popular hairstyle is the faux-hawk.  If you didn’t know “faux” means “false”.  So basically it’s a false or fake mohawk.  To achieve this look, you take any kid with shorter type hair and make it all come to a point at the top of the head.  So yeah, it’s been around forever, but you only saw band kids do it at first, then you saw celebrities, and now it’s appearing in a place where you know it’s time to stop doing your faux-hawk…


I was buying some hair gel.  See I’ve been spiking my hair ever since 1986, except for a brief period (Sumo Surprise era) where I did the 80’s skater thing (long on top, short on the sides).  So anyways, I was looking around for something new to use and saw Garnier Fructis.  You know that commercial with that really repetitive Transplants song? 


The first time I heard that song, I was like, “Cool”.  But by the middle I was like, “Stop that loop already”.  And then I was like, “I never want to hear that song again.”  Then I was like, “Man, I have to go buy hair products”. 


Go to the website and it actually tries to make you download that song.  So anyway, back on topic, on the back of the container it says…



Apply on dry hair at the roots.  Pull together center section of hair and lift up for volume, then slick hair back on both sides.  Blow dry on cool to set this long lasting funky style. 

Okay, if you have corporate marketing people saying your hair style is funky, it’s time to get a new doo.   Not that I have anything against corporate marketing people.  It’s their job to find the latest trends and make money off of it.  If the company does well, then they hopefully get a raise.  Reaping the benefits of a marketing campaign that works, the company will hire more workers.  People who were out of work will now find work.  Or people with jobs they don’t like will have more opportunities.  Our economy is helped by these corporate marketing people who all I’m sure have faux-hawks.  


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